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November 5, 2021 Event: How to Lead When Everyone is Mad at You
In this Crowdsource Coffee, we share ideas about what leadership strategies are working as you navigate the maze of conflict in our communities. During the conversation, leaders have the opportunity to share something they are uncomfortable communicating because it is contentious, identify strategies for self-management when communicating tough topics, and practice communicating a tough message with other leaders in breakout rooms.
This event has passed.
Leaders were encouraged to explore at least one of the following resources ahead of time:
If you have 10 minutes, read this article from the Greater Good Magazine: “How to Lead when Everyone’s Mad at You”
If you have 45 minutes, listen to Slate’s How To podcast that has an interview with a mid-size district superintendent in California and conflict mediator Gary Friedman: “How To Succeed When Everyone’s Mad at You”
If you have 5 minutes or less, think about a real-world scenario where you have to communicate a difficult or unpopular decision and come ready to share during a breakout session.
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IDEAS AND STRATEGIES SHARED DURING THE EVENT
These were thoughts shared by leaders in the chat during the event, in response to the prompts.
Share your tough scenario, and any feelings or emotions that have come up for you around the decision or the process:
- Coming up with a protocol to problem solve, but not be punitive, but be tough about mask wearing has been difficult
- News that a vaccination clinic for our students (after hours) at our elementary school has many in our community up in arms. “You’re killing kids” is a phrase aimed at our district that I’ve seen more than once on social media. These are good, typically kind, supportive parents.
- I don’t know that everyone will be mad, but we will be changing the cell phone policy from what was written with previous administrators.
- Thoughts and feelings around the cell phone policy… it is needed. Students walk next to each other snappy chatting, no real conversations, etc. They really used that as a way to communicate last year and it is bleeding over into the classroom, social situations, etc.
- Situation where a student wore a KKK costume for Halloween on campus. Has caused a tremendous amount of feelings, hurt and disgust on campus. Dealing with the aftermath has been challenging for staff and students.
- Seems like every week! I tend to get anxiety ridden and stressed. I have to utilize mind tricks to get out of that zone and remember that my goal is to make people happy most of the time not all of the time. I try to be most transparent with all decisions and get viewpoints from all that will be involved it seems to go well. If I can’t involve all in the process it can get dicey.
- The decision to have staff teach virtually from their classroom, not at home.
- I think our families are getting less opportunity to practice social skills
- We are competing with more and more distractions that reduce the filters of our students and families (ex. social media).
Share any self-care strategies you use for maintaining mindfulness or helping yourself through a tough conversation:
- Self care = I eat more chocolate than is probably healthy
- Every teacher needs a stash of chocolate
- Keep perspective… it is generally the situation, not me specifically. Take a deep breath. Start by identifying what we can agree on and move the conversation in that direction. Taking it back to the kids… all the kids and the expectations of keeping our schools and sports events open and safe. What is in the best interest of the students.
- Jedi Mind Tricks aka CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)
- Exercise
- The beach
- I reflect on a quote from my mentor – “People’s actions can make sense when you think in terms of their wants and needs”. Connecting with empathy.
- Exercise. Find a person to talk to. Gain perspective.
- Reminders to not take things personally, stay calm and pause.
- Changes are hard on everyone, reminders of what IS going well (90% of our masking triangle is healthy, example)
- Find your support. Find that team and/or person that is able to listen to you complain without judgement knowing that you also need to vent. Being willing to be introspective and responsible for what you can. Maybe I can do something different or handle something differently.
- The weekends are mine. I don’t check email or do schoolwork
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